u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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