Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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