The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
...so i touched it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
