ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
