I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
