Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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