Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
