grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
