i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
