I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize