I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
