anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize