I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
