We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
