Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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