Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize