The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize