How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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