i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
