The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
