i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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