He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
