Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Semen is not good for contacts.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
