we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
