How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
