did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
