Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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