only you would photoshop your dick
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
