ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
