Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
