started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
