I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
