yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
