all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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