Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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