8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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