hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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