how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
