Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
