I have demons in me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
