I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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