i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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