Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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