the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
