at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
