I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize