If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
