you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
