I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
