If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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