You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
