Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
