I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
