Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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