planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
