I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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