Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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