Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
