his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love having hate sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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