you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
