I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
