And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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