It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
