the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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