Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
