Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
