I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
